This is a time of great uncertainty. Whether it be concerns about our health or the health of our loved ones, of financial insecurity, or about how long this is all going to last. We’re currently aware of a lot more uncertainty than we usually are. And uncertainty often leads to fear. For me, fear can lead to paralysis. But there are steps we can take towards overcoming fear.
Fear is our body’s natural way of trying to protect ourselves. And in many cases that is a helpful, good and necessary response. But fear can get out of control. Sometimes I become afraid of making a mistake or afraid of being judged so rather than taking the action that I need to take, I do nothing because that feels safer.
During Lockdown
Some of this time in lockdown I’ve felt like hiding from the world–disconnecting from my social media community, not reaching out to my friends. But this result of fear is truly negative. I both need and want to connect with others. But being hard on myself isn’t a way to motivate me to overcoming fear either. At this time I need to be kinder with myself. It’s ok if I go about things more slowly than I would usually. As long as I keep going and keep taking tiny steps towards my own well-being and my goals then I am winning.
This thought might not work for everyone but it helps me: really we’re always in a state of uncertainty, it’s just that usually we’re unaware or ignoring the uncertainty. We can’t possibly plan or be prepared for every eventuality in life. That’s not the point. The point is to connect to gratitude for the things that we do have right now because we never know how long they’re going to last. We do need to take steps to be prepared for the future but part of that is trusting in ourselves; that we are capable of doing hard things and overcoming great challenges. Can you think of a great challenge in your past that in the middle of it you didn’t know how you were going to make it to the end?
Self-development has been described to me as a venturing out on a bridge to get to a new land. The bridge is so long that it journeys into the fog and at some point we lose sight of the land where we have come from before we can see the edge of the land that we are headed towards. And this is the point of trust. We have to trust that the action that we are taking will lead us to a better place than where we came from and keep journeying until we see the safety of the new land.
Fear is really the absence of feeling safe. So is there anything that we can do right now that will help us to feel safe? Confiding in a friend who will listen to us without trying to fix us. Lighting a candle that has a familiar smell. Taking a hot shower. Building a fort. Go on a walk in the park. There is no wrong answer. It is ok to hide and to spend time comforting ourselves but once we feel able to, it is important to step into action. Comforting yourself can be the first step of action–rather than just distracting ourselves. (Never before did I realise that Instagram had a little notification saying “You’re all caught up on all the posts from the last few days” until this pandemic.) So I’m guilty of getting lost in social media or binge watching a show and that’s ok.
“There is nothing wrong with mindless distraction….What is problematic — and what we’re trying to avoid — is letting a state of mindless distraction become our default.” – Catherine Price, How to Break Up with Your Phone
The hours that I’ve spent working in the last few weeks is only half of what I’m usually capable of. And that’s because I’ve been stuck in fear and avoid this new situation, rather than processing it and taking the small steps that I need to take. Small steps do add up. And this time is showing me that I need to be taking responsibility for taking care of myself. We can speak to our fear and say “Thank you for your opinion, Fear. I understand your concerns. I will be careful and take these precautions, but this is my course of action.” Fear doesn’t get the final say.
Kindling
Make a list of some of your previous successes. At any point in those experiences did you end up overcoming and working though something that you didn’t think you’d be able to at the time?
What provides you with comfort and makes you feel safe? Make a list of some of these. Are there any that are available for you to do today? And if so, make time for them.
Thoughtful and well written piece.